Excerpts from Matthieu Ricard’s book –Altruism (NiL Éditions, 2013)
When Social Norms Temper Spontaneous Altruism
According to Warneken and Tomasello, in order for altruistic behavior to be maintained over the course of generations, it must be associated with mechanisms that protect individuals against exploitation by each other. The psychologist Dale Hay quotes Machiavelli: “A prince must learn how not to be good.”
Without going quite so far, we have seen that while the young child at first shows altruistic behavior toward everyone the child meets, from the age of five the child begins to make discriminations, according to degrees of kinship, reciprocal behavior, and the cultural norms inculcated in the child. The child’s altruistic
behavior thus becomes more selective. These discoveries go completely against the ideas of Freud, for whom “children are completely egoistic; they feel their needs intensely and strive ruthlessly to satisfy them.” According to Freud, it’s only
when the child, around the age of five or six, internalizes the norms, constraints, and parental and social prohibitions imposed on his natural egoism that he is led to behave in a way that is acceptable to society.
Yet the scientific research described above demonstrates exactly the opposite: on one hand, the child is naturally altruistic from the earliest age; on the other, the child learns to moderate altruism only after having internalized the social norms. So a wise education should consist of preserving natural inclinations to cooperate while still protecting one-self, and should do so without inculcating in the child selfish, individualistic, and narcissistic values.
Four Essential Attitudes
Jacques Lecomte identifies four parental attitudes that, in view of all the studies carried out in this field, are the most apt to favor altruistic behavior in children:
- expressing affection;
- acting in an altruistic way oneself, thereby serving as an example;
- making children aware of the impact of their actions on others;
- providing children with the opportunity to be useful to others.
As Confucius is supposed to have said, “If you teach me something, I’ll forget it; if you show me something, I might remember it; if you make me do something, I will put it into practice.” The living example provided by the parents at every instant of daily life, especially, is more effective than all morality lessons combined. Several studies confirm, moreover, that parents who do volunteer work are more likely to see their children act similarly when they’re the same age. Generosity also seems to be transmitted from one generation to the other, as well as the predisposition to come to the aid of others. On the other hand, parents who embody a selfish model will influence their children in that direction.
Picture : Jharkhand, projets de Karuna-Shechen, mars 2020
From birth, children are naturally altruistic and cooperative, but the critical window for development is between the ages of 0 and 5. To preserve this precious potential, the Karuna-Shechen Association puts the vision of its founder, Matthieu Ricard, into practice on the ground. In India and Nepal, it supports teachers and parents so that every child can grow and thrive with confidence. Discover our campaign.